


Are You Insane Like Me? Been In Pain Like Me?

by TheForgottenDreams



Series: I Said 'I Love You' [18]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Music, F/F, F/M, M/M, Music Festival, Pining Enjolras, breakdowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 07:17:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8135113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheForgottenDreams/pseuds/TheForgottenDreams
Summary: “Will do, are you performing?” Grantaire asked, words nothing more than polite interest, no hint of there being anything ever between them and Enjolras remembered how one sided he’d been in their relationship – if you could even call it that.
“He is.” And then Éponine was at Enjolras’ side and he realised he needed her support so much right then, he didn’t care if her sudden appearance was a little weird, he needed her and she was there.





	

And fuck, no.

No, no, no, no, this could not be happening, not now, not then, not ever.

“Fuck.” And shit, he’d said that out loud, someone be kind and kill Enjolras there and then because honestly, he’d rather that then have familiar eyes turn to him, wide and shell-shocked and fuck.

“Enjolras.” Cosette spoke and Enjolras hadn’t even seen her, his whole world had contracted to Grantaire and his curly hair and his eyes and his arms, but now he did and she looked pissed and that was not good. But Grantaire looked good, looked tired but good. 

“Cosette, Grantaire.” And their names tasted like ash on his tongue as he forced them out and fuck, why did it still hurt, it had been two years. “How’ve you both been?”

“Things have been better lately,” Cosette answered.

“I heard you and Marius started dating, actually, through ‘Chetta, congratulations.” Enjolras offered because she hadn’t asked about him and her answer had been a dig at him and Grantaire was still staring at him and still hadn’t said anything.

“It’s still quite new but thanks.” Cosette smiled then, it was tight and didn’t move her eyes but it was something, something other than stoniness and he was grateful for even that. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been surviving.” Enjolras replied, “Are the others here?”

“Yeah-”

“The band is performing.” Grantaire spoke, finally and his voice hadn’t changed and neither had his face and fuck, Enjolras felt his heart ache at the sound, at the memories and feelings attached to it.

“Good luck, tell them I said hi and that I hope they’re all doing well.” Enjolras told him, meeting Grantaire’s eyes and feeling like all his breath had been knocked out of him because all his wounds were ripped apart and they felt fresh and raw and no.

“Will do, are you performing?” Grantaire asked, words nothing more than polite interest, no hint of there being anything ever between them and Enjolras remembered how one sided he’d been in their relationship – if you could even call it that.

“He is.” And then Éponine was at Enjolras’ side and he realised he needed her support so much right then, he didn’t care if her sudden appearance was a little weird, he needed her and she was there. 

“Éponine.” Cosette whispered and it was barely audible but they all heard.

“Enjolras, you’re on in ten so we need you by the stage.” Éponine looked up at him, touching his arm to reassure him she was there, the flowers Jehan had braided into her hair and her clothes made her look like a faery. 

It was hard to disagree with a faery.

“Right.” And he was so thankful for her and everything she did for him, he needed her to know that, “Well, see you later Cosette, Grantaire.”

“Bye!” Cosette called as Éponine pulled him away, her arm curling through his as she blinked rapidly and he knew she was trying not to cry. Cosette and Éponine parted awkwardly and though her wounds had mostly healed, hers like Enjolras’ were ripped open on sight

“Bye.” Enjolras heard Grantaire call and he had to focus on keeping walking so he didn’t do something stupid like run back to him and god forbid, kiss him.

 

-

“And you’re sure you’re okay?” Éponine asked, Enjolras as they waited at the stage steps for his name to be introduced to the crowd.

Éponine herself had managed to keep herself together for the sake of appearances and her makeup – which Montparnasse had done excellently. But Enjolras had been shaking ever since and even though they were pretending Éponine hadn’t noticed (and she had, she hadn’t let Enjolras out of her sight in the time it took to get them there) and she knew him well enough to know that usually led to a breakdown. 

“I still love him, a lot but I’m fine, it must be nerves.” Enjolras smiled and it was a weak excuse for a smile, not much more than a grimace but it must have passed her judgement. 

“Must be.” Éponine nodded and he was grateful she let that slide. 

“Welcome to the stage En-jolr-ras!” The announcer yelled, being careful with his pronunciation and the crowd cheered and Enjolras felt a familiar ease flood through his veins, felt whatever he was feeling melt.

“Go on, good luck.” Éponine smiled, pushing him up the steps and he grinned back at her because she was the best friend ever and he would be a literal mess without Éponine or Combeferre, or Courfeyrac or even Montparnasse to some extent. 

And then Enjolras was on the stage and he grinned out at the people there, forgetting Grantaire for the time. 

 

-

“You’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece and now I’m tearing through the pages and the ink.” Enjolras sang, looking out at the crowd and fuck no, no no, no. 

He knew those curls belonged to Grantaire, knew it was his eyes staring back at him a little way from the back of the crowd, he knew it was him from the way his heart lurched, from the way Grantaire stood, like he needed something to lean against. He knew it was Grantaire from this distance, that was his problem, that he could tell that in a crowd of a thousand people.

And he couldn’t sing this song to Grantaire, not when it was about Grantaire. 

“Everything is blue, his pills, his hands, his jeans,” And yes, he had an idea and the band would hate it but he held a hand out to signal them to stop, “And now I’m covered in the colours, pull apart at the seams and it’s blue.

“And are you insane like me? Been in pain like me? Bought a hundred euro bottle of champagne like me?” Enjolras sang the words from his head, the words that had just been written in his mind from Grantaire’s figure at the back of the crowd, “Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me? Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?”

He knew Éponine would be freaking as would Courfeyrac and the crowd didn’t know what to do as he sang but luckily the band were improvising, a little slow for Enjolras’ taste but it worked and even if he might be going crazy or breaking down this needed singing, this needed to be out there. 

“All the people say ‘you can’t wake up, this is not a dream, you’re part of a machine, you are not a human being’” And Enjolras sang everything he felt, everything he’d been told and everything that was wrong, “With your face all made up, living on a screen, low on self-esteem so you run on gasoline.”

And then he started to cry. 

Fucking hell.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it's been a while. Everything has been so hectic lately. But I did get to see Les Mis again in London and it was amazing even if they have changed the musical since I last saw it - not having 'I Saw Him Once' and 'Little People' killed me a little though, but it was still amazing and I cried so much and the E and R were so gay. Literally everytime Grantaire got cynical, Enjolras' response was to get really up in his personal space and stare intently at him. It was beautiful.
> 
> Anyway, I think this is the penultimate piece, though I might see if I can get another part out of this series and finish on 20 - I can't believe we're so close to the end, thank you all for sticking through this, you're all amazing and wonderful people. 
> 
> This was taken from Halsey's 'Gasoline' and I kind of wrote it in the last hour, so please let me know if there are any mistakes, thanks.
> 
> Come find me on tumblr as beelzebertha.


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